I trembled, covered sweat and my eyes seemed sunk in. I was not ill, but having withdrawals. Zane held me close, tending to my abused body and had I been in better shape, he would have taken this issue to the Lord already. It had been promised that I would be in good care and unharmed in this treaty, but here I was, addicted to drugs, scared and bruised. I was weak and fragile now, nothing like the God I once was.

My hair was pure white, just like the snow outside. I was cradled in Zane’s lap, and he rocked me slowly, his hold strong and secure. This treaty had gone on for years, and he blamed himself for not noticing this sooner. I still could not die, and I had reminded him of that, but his response was simply that he’d rather I died now than suffered eternally. This wasn’t only torture for me, but it was torture for him as he watched me slowly get worse and worse each time I returned.

It seemed word of my condition had gotten around, as a few hours after my arrival, the Lord barged in. “What is this?”

“This is your fault.” Zane growled, holding me closer; protectively. “You should have never done this to him! Sending him to those people, you had to know what they would do!!” He was furious, setting me down to charge the lord. He fell to the ground though, backhanded.

“Keep your head, Zane! I wouldn’t have sent him if I thought they’d do anything terrible to Tama. He hurt me, but I do not hate him for it.” He stated, and I watched him warily.

“Then take him out! Please! Don’t make him suffer anymore! I can’t take it…” Zane was in tears now, and I forced myself up to hold him close this time, trembling violently around him. He shifted to hold me again, burying his face against my slender neck.

“If I do that, the war will start again. I can’t do that over just one person.” That tone was cold and the lord looked off. He didn’t believe those words himself, I could tell.

“Please…. My Lord…” I breathed out, looking panicked. “Please… I beg of you… don’t send me back there. I would like to be at the first Lord’s home, but no other. Please make this stop… I can’t take it. I can’t die, but I can’t live like this. I’m so sorry I hurt you, I’m so sorry.. sorry..” I was breaking up in sobs, another wave of pain racking my tender body.

The lord was silent a long while before he sighed and tried to say something, choking a little. He was not crying, but he was very emotional. I knew how much he still loved me, for he never did take up another lover. “Fine. I will talk with the lords. I will try to talk a deal with them, seeing as the first lord is the highest of them all, perhaps I can make a deal about the child.”

I nodded slowly, in too much pain to reply. He left and moved to arrange another meeting with the lord.

“It will be better, Tama. I will make sure you are safe, my love. I will protect you from now on.” He said, soothing me again. It was working, and I relaxed until I finally slept once more. It had been so long since I slept decently.

I woke days later, and Zane was once more tending to me. I was better, but he said I was having night terrors. I would scream out into the night, but I would never reply to his calls. He calmed me every time, being so very patient with my condition. He looked like shit, and I knew he hadn’t gotten to sleep. “I’m sorry..” I whispered. “You should try to sleep a while.”

“I have slept, but I’m sick with worry, Tama. Are you getting better?” He asked, pulling me to his lap again for me to lean upon him.

“I am. Please, do not worry so much, Zane. With you, I will be so much better. I will always be okay with you.” I smiled because it made him smile. “I love you, Zane.”

“I love you too, Tama. So much.” He kissed me gently and hugged my weak frame closer.

“Is there news?” I questioned, closing my eyes.

“Yes. They’ve come to a deal, but there are wars starting again. Not all the lords are happy that they’ve been taken of you, but you are allowed to be that girl’s nanny again when you are well. I will be escorting you each time, so we will never be apart.” He smiled and nuzzled my cheek.

Later that day, the lord visited me. I was well, but still in bed rest. We talked alone for a while, and did exchange one last passionate kiss. I knew that Zane saw, but he did not show his anger towards it. He knew that was how the Lord and I closed our relationship. It was a sign that he let me go forever. “I love you.” He whispered, and I whispered back, “I know, and I’m sorry.” He stroked my hair slowly before parting to let me eat and rest, pulling Zane aside to talk peacefully.

I slept to the sound of their voices, finally sleeping peacefully throughout the entire night.